Couples Therapy in Berlin-Mitte or online
- Do you want to save or improve your relationship?
- Is your relationship sometimes like a battleground?
- Do you want a child-friendly relationship separation?
- What will your children or relatives learn from you about conflict resolution?
- How will your children remember their childhood?
Content
Thogether to a better relationship
Couples typically seek out therapy when they encounter difficulties in managing their relationship problems on their own. This may be due to the emergence of new conflicts or existing ones that persist for a prolonged period of time. In many cases, communication between partners may become disrupted, making it challenging for them to openly address their needs and desires without triggering an argument.
Most couples come to couples therapy with the goal of improving or saving their relationship. Some also want to find out how and if they should continue together at all. Also for couples in separation, supportive accompaniment can be very helpful, e.g. if life remains connected due to shared children or other circumstances.
Process of a couple therapy
Couples therapy is very individual and adapts to the needs of the people involved. However, there are certain aspects and approaches that show up again and again and are important cornerstones of couples therapy.
Nonviolent communication
Before talking about problems in the partnership, it is important that the way of communication does not lead to the aggravation of the problems. Often the suffering in the relationship is automatically attributed to the partner. Things are said that are perceived as an attack and trigger conflicts without the actual problem being recognized. Only when these often unconscious attacks are stopped, there is room for mutual understanding and constructive solutions. That is why it is important for successful couple therapy to learn non-violent communication.
Nonviolence in this context refers mainly to verbal violence. The first step towards nonviolent communication is a metaphorical “ceasefire”. In conflictual partnerships, statements such as, “You are completely incapable of accepting criticism — that certainly has to do with how you were treated in your childhood!” often occur. Nonviolent communication might instead look like this, “When I express criticism, I feel that it makes you directly angry. I wish I could express criticism without us fighting about it right away.” By referring statements to yourself and not to your partner, you avoid attacks and create space for open conversations.
In addition to the negative example above, couples often ask provocative leading questions and use words like “never” and “always.” These verbal incendiaries often unconsciously creep into one’s use of language and one can learn to reduce this.
The rule of 3
People often tend to present their own point of view as the indisputable truth. When two people have different opinions and each accepts only his or her truth, conflicts are inevitable. This can lead to hardening of the positions and make rapprochement more difficult. However, a simple communication trick can help to loosen these fronts again: the rule of 3. This is a kind of guideline for talking about one’s own feelings and sensitivities in a non-violent way. In practical terms, this means asking yourself three questions:
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What do I perceive?
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How does it affect me?
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What do I wish for?
By answering these three questions, you can better express what you actually want to say to your counterpart. The way the questions are posed also results in I‑statements instead of you-statements. As a result, personal points of view no longer sound immovable and wishes are no longer packaged as accusations or assertions. This avoids escalations and creates the basis for mutual understanding. Basically, the goal is to apply the The rule of 3 outside of couples therapy as well, in order to be able to speak constructively with each other in everyday life as well.
Meeting in a safe space
In the usual living environment of couples, for example, lack of time and constant escalations can prevent partners from communicating important views, feelings and problems with each other. As a result, negative feelings can accumulate and assumptions and projections about the partner can arise. In order to resolve this dynamic, the therapy situation alone can be of great help in many cases. Here, an opportunity for mediation arises that is usually missing in everyday interaction. This not only creates a safe space for couple discussions, but also supports the fact that what is said can actually be absorbed by the partner.
Couples therapy is about getting to know the other partner better, as well as exploring the dynamics of the relationship. Thus, the primary goal is to facilitate an honest conversation in which personal needs can be addressed openly. Statements can be directed first to the therapist or directly to the partner, both are possible.
Being there and being able to listen when the partner is working with the therapist allows important insights that are otherwise hardly possible in this form. Often, for example, the reaction to certain behaviors has to do with long past experiences. By listening to your partner, you not only learn why a certain behavior feels like pushing a “red button” for him or her. It also allows you to better understand why certain behaviors may push red buttons for you.
Sometimes, however, there are inhibitions about addressing certain things directly in front of your partner, such as childhood influences or traumatic experiences. In these cases, such issues can be specifically discussed in individual sessions with the therapist. This takes away the fear of speaking out and enables the therapist to integrate the topic accordingly in subsequent couple sessions, if this is desired and mutually agreed upon.
Recognizing patterns and movements in the relationship
In many dysfunctional relationships, both partners exhibit certain patterns of behavior due to individual coping mechanisms or avoidance of certain emotions. For example, anger can lead to a willingness to engage in conflict, fear of being hurt can lead to conflict aversion, and neediness can lead to an increased need for closeness. These so-called movements determine how people react in conflict situations — and this often does not happen in the same way on both sides of the relationship.
This can lead to problems, especially when two strongly expressed, contradictory impulses come together. If the partners do not understand each other’s movements, they cannot react to them in a purposeful way. For example, if one partner becomes angry quickly and the other partner tends to withdraw in the event of conflict, this dynamic becomes more and more amplified. Without recognizing the causes, these patterns of behavior can recur again and again. Couples therapy can help identify and understand the movements and resulting patterns in the relationship.
A meta-perspective on the relationship allows certain behaviors and statements to no longer be taken purely personally. By understanding their own relationship dynamics, couples can work on them together instead of working against each other.
Behavior in everyday life together
Everything that is worked out in couples therapy should ultimately result in an actual change in everyday life together. However, this will not happen on its own, but will be a concrete topic of discussion in the therapy session. Within this framework, rules of conduct and routines are agreed upon to make the relationship more harmonious again. Since most couples experience all of this for the first time, the therapist supports this neutrally.
Often this process begins with forgiving, especially when there are specific wounds. If these wounds remain unspoken or are not acknowledged by the partner, sooner or later they will again cause conflicts among each other. However, if they are spoken about and honestly forgiven or at least heard, they will no longer be a burden. Sometimes it is important that exactly the right words are spoken to recognize apologies as honest and to be able to forgive injuries.
The meaning and benefits of individual sessions in couples therapy
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on relationship problems in partnerships. Typically, sessions are conducted with both partners present to work together on finding solutions and improving communication. However, it can also be beneficial to schedule individual sessions with the therapist and each partner. This is because couples naturally form a system in which each individual’s emotions and well-being come into play. Therefore, both the couple as a unit and the other partner are affected by what is happening within each individual.
On one hand, individual therapy sessions can help each partner better understand and address their own problems and challenges. Often, these issues have roots in childhood or socialization, which may not necessarily be addressed in a couples session. By working on these individual issues, both partners can learn to better manage their own emotions and positively influence their relationship.
On the other hand, individual sessions can also allow each partner to reflect on their own background and family history. Our experiences within our family and environment often shape us and influence our behavior in interpersonal relationships. By shedding light on each partner’s personal history, it can help to better understand misunderstandings or conflicts within the partnership.
There are also topics that one may prefer to discuss alone rather than with or in front of their partner. Individual sessions provide the opportunity for this. Each person can then decide whether they want to bring up these topics in the following couples session.
Overall, individual sessions in couples therapy can help both partners get to know themselves better and bring the health of their relationship to a new level.
Change takes time
It is important to remember that change takes time. Sometimes couples discuss things that they would prefer to apply immediately in their daily lives. However, it is important to give each other time and also give yourself time. Behaving patterns become habits and are deeply rooted in emotions and experiences, which is why they can only be changed slowly, bit by bit. Therefore, expectations of a quick solution to common problems may need to be adjusted, and it requires a lot of patience for oneself and one’s partner. Patience is one of the most important pillars of successful couples therapy.
Challenges for intercultural couples
Intercultural or interracial couples living abroad or in an expatriate situation face unique challenges that stem from cultural differences, living in a foreign environment, and navigating societal perceptions. Here are some of the key challenges:
Language Barrier:
Social Integration: One partner may struggle more with the local language, impacting their ability to integrate socially and professionally.
Cultural Differences:
Value Systems: Differing cultural values and norms can lead to conflicts. These differences may affect views on family roles, child-rearing practices, gender roles, and other fundamental aspects of daily life.
Traditions and Holidays: Deciding which cultural traditions and holidays to celebrate can be complex, especially if they have different significance for each partner.
Social Acceptance and Racism:
Discrimination: Interracial couples may face prejudice or racism in their host country. This can range from subtle biases to overt discrimination, affecting their sense of security and belonging.
Social Perception: Societal attitudes towards interracial or intercultural relationships vary widely. Negative perceptions can impact the couple’s social interactions and acceptance in the community.
Legal and Bureaucratic Challenges:
Visa and Residency Issues: Navigating the immigration laws of the host country can be complicated. One partner may face difficulties obtaining visas or residency permits, which can add stress to the relationship.
Employment: Professional opportunities may be limited for one partner due to work permit restrictions or non-recognition of qualifications.
Family Dynamics:
Extended Family Acceptance: Family members from either side may have difficulties accepting the intercultural or interracial nature of the relationship, leading to strained family dynamics.
Maintaining Family Ties: Living abroad can make it difficult to maintain close relationships with extended family, which can be emotionally challenging.
Identity and Belonging:
Cultural Identity: Partners may struggle with their cultural identity, particularly if they feel pressured to assimilate into the host culture or if they experience cultural dislocation.
Sense of Belonging: Finding a community where both partners feel accepted and supported can be challenging, leading to feelings of isolation.
Parenting Challenges:
Bilingual Upbringing: Raising bilingual or multilingual children requires extra effort and coordination. Deciding which languages to prioritize can be a point of contention.
Cultural Education: Ensuring that children understand and appreciate both cultures can be difficult, especially in a monocultural environment.
Support Systems:
Lack of Local Support: Without established social networks, it can be harder to find emotional and practical support. Expat communities might help, but they can also be transient.
Professional Help: Access to culturally competent therapy or counseling may be limited, making it harder to address intercultural relationship issues.
Navigating these challenges requires open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to learn and adapt. Many intercultural couples successfully overcome these obstacles by fostering strong bonds and embracing each other’s cultures.
This holistic oriented psychotherapy is about leaving behind and transforming the old suffering generating patterns and identifications.
With a combination of hypnotherapy according to Milton H. Erickson, mindfulness training and the teachings of the Enneagram, I offer clients various options for treatment and support (selection):
- Resolution of traumatic events through hypnotherapeutic methods, such as work in childhood, journey into the past with possibilities of healing through “change and support”.
- Transformation of trauma and traumatic events.
- Support in coping with grief.
- Hypnotherapy interventions to meet people from the past or present, to close unfinished or permanently stressful connections (Soul Connection).
- Support for self-healing and root cause identification.
- Hypnosis methods for strengthening self-esteem and overcoming fears and trauma reactions.
- Deeply relaxing trance states, beneficial for the body and the nervous system and psyche.
What some of my clients say:
Jana’s Testimonial
I have felt very comfortable and listened to in the couples therapy guidance by Johannes v. Gwinner and have experienced him as very present and constantly attentive, which has directly invited me (without needing a “warm-up” phase, so to speak) to open up and show myself with my inner being and “what is” — even if in my trance.
I also found Johannes to be very constant in his neutrality/“impartiality”, he was open and attentive to both of us.
I felt very understood, which was good.
I also felt directly trusted in our three-person constellation.
Thank you very much for that!
It was for me overall, from the “couple therapy setting”, a coherent and fluid feeling.
Jochen’s Testimonial
Johannes has accompanied us / me in a couples therapy in an online version and has opened closed doors through his sensitive work, so that my wife and I have found a level of conversation again through his work. Johannes also understands his work very well in video conferencing, we really enjoyed the implementation. Johannes is highly recommended as a couple therapist!
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- I will advise you individually and without obligation on
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10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(bell: Körperraum Mitte, 2. floor, left)
Phone — Mail
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Contact
10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(bell: Körperraum Mitte, 2. floor left)
Phone — Mail
+49 30 54907420
office@johannes-gwinner.com
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Hypnose
Zertifikat in klinischer Hypnose A.C.H.E. American Council of Hypnotist Examiners — Mentor of the Leela School
Heilpraktiker für Psychotherapie
Zertifizierter Praktiker Pantarei Approach
