Johannes von Gwinner
Couples Therapy in Berlin-Mitte or online
Couples Therapy in Berlin-Mitte or online
Do you want to save or improve your relationship? Does it feel like your relationship is sometimes like a war? Do you want to break up gracefully, for the sake of your children, for example? What will your children learn from you about how you are dealing with a conflict situation? What will your children say about you when they look back on their childhood later?
Content
Thogether to a better relationship
Couples typically seek out therapy when they encounter difficulties in managing their relationship problems on their own. This may be due to the emergence of new conflicts or existing ones that persist for a prolonged period of time. In many cases, communication between partners may become disrupted, making it challenging for them to openly address their needs and desires without triggering an argument.
Most couples come to couples therapy with the goal of improving or saving their relationship. Some also want to find out how and if they should continue together at all. Also for couples in separation, supportive accompaniment can be very helpful, e.g. if life remains connected due to shared children or other circumstances.
Process of a couple therapy
Couples therapy is very individual and adapts to the needs of the people involved. However, there are certain aspects and approaches that show up again and again and are important cornerstones of couples therapy.
Nonviolent communication
Before talking about problems in the partnership, it is important that the way of communication does not lead to the aggravation of the problems. Often the suffering in the relationship is automatically attributed to the partner. Things are said that are perceived as an attack and trigger conflicts without the actual problem being recognized. Only when these often unconscious attacks are stopped, there is room for mutual understanding and constructive solutions. That is why it is important for successful couple therapy to learn non-violent communication.
Nonviolence in this context refers mainly to verbal violence. The first step towards nonviolent communication is a metaphorical “ceasefire”. In conflictual partnerships, statements such as, “You are completely incapable of accepting criticism — that certainly has to do with how you were treated in your childhood!” often occur. Nonviolent communication might instead look like this, “When I express criticism, I feel that it makes you directly angry. I wish I could express criticism without us fighting about it right away.” By referring statements to yourself and not to your partner, you avoid attacks and create space for open conversations.
In addition to the negative example above, couples often ask provocative leading questions and use words like “never” and “always.” These verbal incendiaries often unconsciously creep into one’s use of language and one can learn to reduce this.
The rule of 3
People often tend to present their own point of view as the indisputable truth. When two people have different opinions and each accepts only his or her truth, conflicts are inevitable. This can lead to hardening of the positions and make rapprochement more difficult. However, a simple communication trick can help to loosen these fronts again: the rule of 3. This is a kind of guideline for talking about one’s own feelings and sensitivities in a non-violent way. In practical terms, this means asking yourself three questions:
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What do I perceive?
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How does it affect me?
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What do I wish for?
By answering these three questions, you can better express what you actually want to say to your counterpart. The way the questions are posed also results in I‑statements instead of you-statements. As a result, personal points of view no longer sound immovable and wishes are no longer packaged as accusations or assertions. This avoids escalations and creates the basis for mutual understanding. Basically, the goal is to apply the The rule of 3 outside of couples therapy as well, in order to be able to speak constructively with each other in everyday life as well.
Meeting in a safe space
In the usual living environment of couples, for example, lack of time and constant escalations can prevent partners from communicating important views, feelings and problems with each other. As a result, negative feelings can accumulate and assumptions and projections about the partner can arise. In order to resolve this dynamic, the therapy situation alone can be of great help in many cases. Here, an opportunity for mediation arises that is usually missing in everyday interaction. This not only creates a safe space for couple discussions, but also supports the fact that what is said can actually be absorbed by the partner.
Couples therapy is about getting to know the other partner better, as well as exploring the dynamics of the relationship. Thus, the primary goal is to facilitate an honest conversation in which personal needs can be addressed openly. Statements can be directed first to the therapist or directly to the partner, both are possible.
Being there and being able to listen when the partner is working with the therapist allows important insights that are otherwise hardly possible in this form. Often, for example, the reaction to certain behaviors has to do with long past experiences. By listening to your partner, you not only learn why a certain behavior feels like pushing a “red button” for him or her. It also allows you to better understand why certain behaviors may push red buttons for you.
Sometimes, however, there are inhibitions about addressing certain things directly in front of your partner, such as childhood influences or traumatic experiences. In these cases, such issues can be specifically discussed in individual sessions with the therapist. This takes away the fear of speaking out and enables the therapist to integrate the topic accordingly in subsequent couple sessions, if this is desired and mutually agreed upon.
Recognizing patterns and movements in the relationship
In many dysfunctional relationships, both partners exhibit certain patterns of behavior due to individual coping mechanisms or avoidance of certain emotions. For example, anger can lead to a willingness to engage in conflict, fear of being hurt can lead to conflict aversion, and neediness can lead to an increased need for closeness. These so-called movements determine how people react in conflict situations — and this often does not happen in the same way on both sides of the relationship.
This can lead to problems, especially when two strongly expressed, contradictory impulses come together. If the partners do not understand each other’s movements, they cannot react to them in a purposeful way. For example, if one partner becomes angry quickly and the other partner tends to withdraw in the event of conflict, this dynamic becomes more and more amplified. Without recognizing the causes, these patterns of behavior can recur again and again. Couples therapy can help identify and understand the movements and resulting patterns in the relationship.
A meta-perspective on the relationship allows certain behaviors and statements to no longer be taken purely personally. By understanding their own relationship dynamics, couples can work on them together instead of working against each other.
Behavior in everyday life together
Everything that is worked out in couples therapy should ultimately result in an actual change in everyday life together. However, this will not happen on its own, but will be a concrete topic of discussion in the therapy session. Within this framework, rules of conduct and routines are agreed upon to make the relationship more harmonious again. Since most couples experience all of this for the first time, the therapist supports this neutrally.
Often this process begins with forgiving, especially when there are specific wounds. If these wounds remain unspoken or are not acknowledged by the partner, sooner or later they will again cause conflicts among each other. However, if they are spoken about and honestly forgiven or at least heard, they will no longer be a burden. Sometimes it is important that exactly the right words are spoken to recognize apologies as honest and to be able to forgive injuries.
Change takes time
It is important to remember that change takes time. Sometimes couples discuss things that they would prefer to apply immediately in their daily lives. However, it is important to give each other time and also give yourself time. Behaving patterns become habits and are deeply rooted in emotions and experiences, which is why they can only be changed slowly, bit by bit. Therefore, expectations of a quick solution to common problems may need to be adjusted, and it requires a lot of patience for oneself and one’s partner. Patience is one of the most important pillars of successful couples therapy.
Challenges for intercultural couples
Couples who are intercultural and live abroad may face special challenges due to their cultural differences and the difficulties of living in a foreign country. Here are some of the challenges that intercultural couples living abroad might encounter:
- Language barrier: If one partner does not speak the language of the country they are living in, it can create problems as communication is restricted and misunderstandings can occur.
- Cultural differences: Each culture has its own values, norms, and behaviors. Intercultural couples need to learn to understand and respect these differences to avoid conflicts.
- Integration: Living in a foreign country can be a challenge for both partners. It can be difficult to adapt and feel comfortable, especially when it comes to the workplace, social life, and leisure activities.
- Family and friends: If one partner is living in a foreign country, it can be difficult to maintain contact with family and friends. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.
- Legal and financial challenges: One partner may have difficulty obtaining a work permit or residency permit. Financial stability can also be affected as the cost of living in a foreign country is often higher.
- Homesickness: One partner may feel uncomfortable in a foreign country and experience homesickness. This can become a strain on the relationship, especially if the other partner cannot empathize with what it feels like to live in a foreign environment.
These challenges require a lot of understanding, patience, and willingness to compromise from both partners.
This holistic oriented psychotherapy is about leaving behind and transforming the old suffering generating patterns and identifications.
With a combination of hypnotherapy according to Milton H. Erickson, mindfulness training and the teachings of the Enneagram, I offer clients various options for treatment and support (selection):
- Resolution of traumatic events through hypnotherapeutic methods, such as work in childhood, journey into the past with possibilities of healing through “change and support”.
- Transformation of trauma and traumatic events.
- Support in coping with grief.
- Hypnotherapy interventions to meet people from the past or present, to close unfinished or permanently stressful connections (Soul Connection).
- Support for self-healing and root cause identification.
- Hypnosis methods for strengthening self-esteem and overcoming fears and trauma reactions.
- Deeply relaxing trance states, beneficial for the body and the nervous system and psyche.
Testimonials:
Jana’s Testimonial
I have felt very comfortable and listened to in the couples therapy guidance by Johannes v. Gwinner and have experienced him as very present and constantly attentive, which has directly invited me (without needing a “warm-up” phase, so to speak) to open up and show myself with my inner being and “what is” — even if in my trance.
I also found Johannes to be very constant in his neutrality/“impartiality”, he was open and attentive to both of us.
I felt very understood, which was good.
I also felt directly trusted in our three-person constellation.
Thank you very much for that!
It was for me overall, from the “couple therapy setting”, a coherent and fluid feeling.
Jochen’s Testimonial
Johannes has accompanied us / me in a couples therapy in an online version and has opened closed doors through his sensitive work, so that my wife and I have found a level of conversation again through his work. Johannes also understands his work very well in video conferencing, we really enjoyed the implementation. Johannes is highly recommended as a couple therapist!
Vereinbaren Sie einen unverbindlichen Beratungstermin
- Ich berate Sie individuell und unverbindlich unter 030 54907420 oder per Mail: office@johannes-gwinner.com
- Hinterlassen Sie unten ihre Kontaktdaten, ich melde mich gerne bei Ihnen.
- Buchen Sie einen kostenlosen Beratungstermin online hier:
10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(Klingel: Körperraum Mitte, 2. OG links)
Telefone — Mail
Information about prices and packages for couples therapy and psychotherapy in Berlin.
Hier online eine kostenlose Beratung buchen, ca. 15 Min
Sie werden zum online Dienst Calendly weitergeleitet, wo Sie ein Datum und eine Uhrzeit auswählen können. Sie erhalten eine E‑Mail Erinnerung und auch die Möglichkeit, Termine zu ändern oder zu stornieren.
Hier online einen Paartherapie-Termin buchen
Sie werden zum online Dienst Calendly weitergeleitet, s.o.
Hier online einen Paartherapie-Termin buchen mit Bezahlfunktion
Sie werden zum online Dienst Calendly weitergeleitet, s.o.
Kontakt
10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(Klingel: Körperraum Mitte, 2. OG links)
Telefon — Mail
+49 30 54907420
office@johannes-gwinner.com
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