Couples Therapy in Berlin-Mitte or online
- Do you want to save or improve your relationship?
- Is your relationship sometimes like a battleground?
- Do you want a child-friendly relationship separation?
- What will your children or relatives learn from you about conflict resolution?
- How will your children remember their childhood?
Thogether to a better relationship
Couples often turn to couples therapy or counseling when they find themselves unable to navigate relationship challenges on their own. This can happen when new conflicts arise or when long-standing issues continue over an extended period of time. In many situations, communication between partners becomes strained, making it difficult to express needs and desires without escalating into an argument.
Most partners seek couples therapy with the intention of improving or saving their relationship. Others want clarity about whether and how they should continue together at all. Even for couples going through separation, supportive counseling can be extremely valuable — especially when children or shared responsibilities keep their lives closely connected.
Process of a couples therapy
Couples therapy is very individual and adapts to the needs of the people involved. However, there are certain aspects and approaches that show up again and again and are important cornerstones of couples therapy.
Nonviolent communication
Before talking about problems in the partnership, it is important that the way of communication does not lead to the aggravation of the problems. Often the suffering in the relationship is automatically attributed to the partner. Things are said that are perceived as an attack and trigger conflicts without the actual problem being recognized. Only when these often unconscious attacks are stopped, there is room for mutual understanding and constructive solutions. That is why it is important for successful couple therapy to learn non-violent communication.
Nonviolence in this context refers mainly to verbal violence. The first step towards nonviolent communication is a metaphorical “ceasefire”. In conflictual partnerships, statements such as, “You are completely incapable of accepting criticism – that certainly has to do with how you were treated in your childhood!” often occur. Nonviolent communication might instead look like this, “When I express criticism, I feel that it makes you directly angry. I wish I could express criticism without us fighting about it right away.” By referring statements to yourself and not to your partner, you avoid attacks and create space for open conversations.
In addition to the negative example above, couples often ask provocative leading questions and use words like “never” and “always.” These verbal incendiaries often unconsciously creep into one’s use of language and one can learn to reduce this.
The rule of 3
People often tend to present their own point of view as the indisputable truth. When two people have different opinions and each accepts only his or her truth, conflicts are inevitable. This can lead to hardening of the positions and make rapprochement more difficult. However, a simple communication trick can help to loosen these fronts again: the rule of 3. This is a kind of guideline for talking about one’s own feelings and sensitivities in a non-violent way. In practical terms, this means asking yourself three questions:
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What do I perceive?
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How does it affect me?
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What do I wish for?
By answering these three questions, you can better express what you actually want to say to your counterpart. The way the questions are posed also results in I‑statements instead of you-statements. As a result, personal points of view no longer sound immovable and wishes are no longer packaged as accusations or assertions. This avoids escalations and creates the basis for mutual understanding. Basically, the goal is to apply the The rule of 3 outside of couples therapy as well, in order to be able to speak constructively with each other in everyday life as well.
Meeting in a safe space
In the usual living environment of couples, for example, lack of time and constant escalations can prevent partners from communicating important views, feelings and problems with each other. As a result, negative feelings can accumulate and assumptions and projections about the partner can arise. In order to resolve this dynamic, the therapy situation alone can be of great help in many cases. Here, an opportunity for mediation arises that is usually missing in everyday interaction. This not only creates a safe space for couple discussions, but also supports the fact that what is said can actually be absorbed by the partner.
Couples therapy is about getting to know the other partner better, as well as exploring the dynamics of the relationship. Thus, the primary goal is to facilitate an honest conversation in which personal needs can be addressed openly. Statements can be directed first to the therapist or directly to the partner, both are possible.
Being there and being able to listen when the partner is working with the therapist allows important insights that are otherwise hardly possible in this form. Often, for example, the reaction to certain behaviors has to do with long past experiences. By listening to your partner, you not only learn why a certain behavior feels like pushing a “red button” for him or her. It also allows you to better understand why certain behaviors may push red buttons for you.
Sometimes, however, there are inhibitions about addressing certain things directly in front of your partner, such as childhood influences or traumatic experiences. In these cases, such issues can be specifically discussed in individual sessions with the therapist. This takes away the fear of speaking out and enables the therapist to integrate the topic accordingly in subsequent couple sessions, if this is desired and mutually agreed upon.
Recognizing patterns and movements in the relationship
In many dysfunctional relationships, both partners exhibit certain patterns of behavior due to individual coping mechanisms or avoidance of certain emotions. For example, anger can lead to a willingness to engage in conflict, fear of being hurt can lead to conflict aversion, and neediness can lead to an increased need for closeness. These so-called movements determine how people react in conflict situations – and this often does not happen in the same way on both sides of the relationship.
This can lead to problems, especially when two strongly expressed, contradictory impulses come together. If the partners do not understand each other’s movements, they cannot react to them in a purposeful way. For example, if one partner becomes angry quickly and the other partner tends to withdraw in the event of conflict, this dynamic becomes more and more amplified. Without recognizing the causes, these patterns of behavior can recur again and again. Couples therapy can help identify and understand the movements and resulting patterns in the relationship.
A meta-perspective on the relationship allows certain behaviors and statements to no longer be taken purely personally. By understanding their own relationship dynamics, couples can work on them together instead of working against each other.
Behavior in everyday life together
Everything that is worked out in couples therapy should ultimately result in an actual change in everyday life together. However, this will not happen on its own, but will be a concrete topic of discussion in the therapy session. Within this framework, rules of conduct and routines are agreed upon to make the relationship more harmonious again. Since most couples experience all of this for the first time, the therapist supports this neutrally.
Often this process begins with forgiving, especially when there are specific wounds. If these wounds remain unspoken or are not acknowledged by the partner, sooner or later they will again cause conflicts among each other. However, if they are spoken about and honestly forgiven or at least heard, they will no longer be a burden. Sometimes it is important that exactly the right words are spoken to recognize apologies as honest and to be able to forgive injuries.
The meaning and benefits of individual sessions in couples therapy
Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on relationship problems in partnerships. Typically, sessions are conducted with both partners present to work together on finding solutions and improving communication. However, it can also be beneficial to schedule individual sessions with the therapist and each partner. This is because couples naturally form a system in which each individual’s emotions and well-being come into play. Therefore, both the couple as a unit and the other partner are affected by what is happening within each individual.
On one hand, individual therapy sessions can help each partner better understand and address their own problems and challenges. Often, these issues have roots in childhood or socialization, which may not necessarily be addressed in a couples session. By working on these individual issues, both partners can learn to better manage their own emotions and positively influence their relationship.
On the other hand, individual sessions can also allow each partner to reflect on their own background and family history. Our experiences within our family and environment often shape us and influence our behavior in interpersonal relationships. By shedding light on each partner’s personal history, it can help to better understand misunderstandings or conflicts within the partnership.
There are also topics that one may prefer to discuss alone rather than with or in front of their partner. Individual sessions provide the opportunity for this. Each person can then decide whether they want to bring up these topics in the following couples session.
Overall, individual sessions in couples therapy can help both partners get to know themselves better and bring the health of their relationship to a new level.
Change takes time
It is important to remember that change takes time. Sometimes couples discuss things that they would prefer to apply immediately in their daily lives. However, it is important to give each other time and also give yourself time. Behaving patterns become habits and are deeply rooted in emotions and experiences, which is why they can only be changed slowly, bit by bit. Therefore, expectations of a quick solution to common problems may need to be adjusted, and it requires a lot of patience for oneself and one’s partner. Patience is one of the most important pillars of successful couples therapy.
FAQ – Couples Therapy in Berlin
When is couples therapy helpful?
Couples therapy can be helpful when conversations repeatedly lead to conflict, important topics are avoided, or emotional closeness has been lost. Many couples seek therapy when they feel stuck or want clarity about how to move forward together.
How does couples therapy in Berlin work?
At the beginning, we take time to understand your current situation and your concerns as a couple. During the sessions, we work on identifying unhelpful relationship patterns, improving communication, and developing new perspectives. The process is tailored to your individual goals and pace.
How long does a couples therapy session last?
A couples therapy session usually lasts around 90 minutes. This time frame allows enough space for both partners and for working with complex relationship dynamics in a calm and focused way.
Do both partners need to be willing to attend couples therapy?
Ideally, both partners are willing to engage in the process. However, even if one partner feels unsure, an initial joint session can be helpful to clarify expectations and explore whether couples therapy is the right step.
How many sessions are needed?
The number of sessions varies from couple to couple. Some experience relief after only a few sessions, while others choose a longer therapeutic process. Frequency and duration depend on your concerns and your personal rhythm.
Do you offer online couples therapy?
Yes. Couples therapy is available in person in Berlin as well as online. Online sessions can be a practical option if attending in person is difficult or if partners live in different locations. Both formats can be combined flexibly.
Is couples therapy helpful if we are considering separation?
Yes. Couples therapy can support you in gaining clarity—whether your goal is to continue the relationship or to separate in a respectful and conscious way. Therapy provides a structured space for difficult decisions.
In which languages is couples therapy offered?
I offer couples therapy in English and German. This is particularly helpful for international couples, expats in Berlin, or relationships with different linguistic backgrounds.
How confidential is couples therapy?
Confidentiality is a fundamental part of my work. All sessions are subject to professional confidentiality—both for in-person sessions in Berlin and for online therapy.
How can we book an initial consultation?
If you would like to get an initial sense of whether couples therapy is right for you, you can book a free 15-minute consultation.
👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation:
https://calendly.com/johannes-gwinner/15-min-zoom-tel-free
During this conversation, we can clarify your situation and discuss possible next steps.
Challenges for intercultural couples
Intercultural relationships can be deeply enriching—and deeply challenging.
Couples living abroad or in an expatriate context often face additional pressures related to language, cultural differences, identity, and belonging. In couples therapy, these dynamics can be explored with care, clarity, and respect for both partners’ backgrounds.
What challenges do intercultural couples often face?
Intercultural couples may experience challenges related to language barriers, cultural differences, social integration, and differing value systems. Living abroad or in an expatriate context can intensify these issues and place additional strain on the relationship.
How can language barriers affect a relationship?
When one partner struggles more with the local language, this can impact social life, professional opportunities, and independence. Over time, this imbalance may lead to frustration, misunderstandings, or feelings of isolation within the relationship.
Do cultural differences often lead to conflict?
Cultural differences can influence views on family roles, communication styles, parenting, and traditions. Without reflection and dialogue, these differences may lead to recurring conflicts or feelings of being misunderstood.
How do social pressure or discrimination affect intercultural couples?
Some intercultural or interracial couples experience prejudice, subtle bias, or open discrimination. These experiences can affect a couple’s sense of safety, belonging, and emotional well-being—especially when living in a foreign country.
Why can living abroad increase relationship stress?
Expatriate life often involves uncertainty related to visas, work permits, employment, and social networks. These external stressors can place additional pressure on the relationship, particularly if one partner feels more dependent or less integrated.
What challenges arise for intercultural couples with children?
Raising children in an intercultural context often involves questions around bilingual upbringing, cultural identity, and education. Deciding how to pass on languages, values, and traditions can be enriching—but also challenging.
How can couples therapy help intercultural couples?
Couples therapy offers a structured and supportive space to explore cultural differences, communication patterns, and shared values. Therapy can help partners better understand each other’s perspectives and develop ways of relating that honor both backgrounds.
Testimonials:
Jana’s Testimonial
I have felt very comfortable and listened to in the couples therapy guidance by Johannes v. Gwinner and have experienced him as very present and constantly attentive, which has directly invited me (without needing a “warm-up” phase, so to speak) to open up and show myself with my inner being and “what is” – even if in my trance.
I also found Johannes to be very constant in his neutrality/“impartiality”, he was open and attentive to both of us.
I felt very understood, which was good.
I also felt directly trusted in our three-person constellation.
Thank you very much for that!
It was for me overall, from the “couple therapy setting”, a coherent and fluid feeling.
Jochen’s Testimonial
Johannes has accompanied us / me in a couples therapy in an online version and has opened closed doors through his sensitive work, so that my wife and I have found a level of conversation again through his work. Johannes also understands his work very well in video conferencing, we really enjoyed the implementation. Johannes is highly recommended as a couple therapist!
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- I will advise you individually and without obligation on
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10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(bell: Körperraum Mitte, 2. floor, left)
Phone – Mail
Information about prices and packages for couples therapy and psychotherapy in Berlin.
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Contact
10179 Berlin (Mitte)
(bell: Körperraum Mitte, 2. floor left)
Phone – Mail
+49 30 54907420
office@johannes-gwinner.com
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Hypnose
Zertifikat in klinischer Hypnose A.C.H.E. American Council of Hypnotist Examiners — Mentor of the Leela School
Heilpraktiker für Psychotherapie
Zertifizierter Praktiker Pantarei Approach
